This is a 3 date story, which means this guy made it to third date until the crazy came out! Sometimes I think maybe it’s me, maybe I’m too picky, but not with this one. He takes the cake for THE CRAZIEST DATE EVER so please read on if you dare!
I connect online with this guy named Tom (all my prince’s names have been changed). He is super sweet and cute, and it turns out he is in the education field like me! We have a lot in common and have great conversation through texts and the actual phone. Yes this virtual prince took time to have real phone conversations with me! I am very excited for this date. We meet for dinner and I am pleasantly surprised, he looks better than his pictures! Immediately we hit it off sharing stories of our jobs and kids. There wasn’t a dull moment in our conversation! To top it off, at the end of the night, he walks me to my car ANNNND…Fireworks! That’s right ladies, fireworks with this one! He didn’t lean in for an awkward kiss/hug or weird handshake thing many guys do on these already weird, online date meet ups! No, this guy brought his A-Game! Tom felt the chemistry and acted on it. He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me in for a passionate but sweet, perfect first kiss! The chemistry was there and I was instantly smitten! Yaaaay! Finally, after a long stretch of disastrous encounters I have met a seemingly normal man.
After that awesome date, he wanted to cook me dinner at his house. Although I felt good about him, I was still hesitant to go to man’s house after only one date, so I declined (mistake #1). Instead, I agreed to a running date…IN THE WOODS! Running plus woods, plus a practical stranger……Uh, where’s the logic in that? (mistake #2) But I happened to be in the middle of training for my first 5k ever, which I signed up for because I succumbed to the peer pressure of my running friends. Hats off to all of you who run 5 miles every day and 5Ks all year, you rock! But it just isn’t me. I am NOT a runner. I was the child in grade school with her inhaler, huffing and puffing around the track, always last and alone. But….running with this cutie seemed like a good idea at the time! God HELP ME!
The day of date # 2. Two things you should know about me first…. I can’t run without wheezing and I am absolutely terrified of dogs. It’s an insane phobia that I’ve tried to overcome. Even the sound of a dog on leash makes my pulse race. Anyway, I don the cutest workout attire I can find, spend an hour perfecting my ponytail and off I go to this running trail in the woods. I’m thinking this trail will be a smoothed out path in the middle of some trees. HAHA, I was dead wrong! The trail is UP A FREAKING MOUNTAIN, over rocks, tree stumps and logs. Ok, so it was more like a small hill, but you get the idea! So now I am running next to, or should I say behind, this really cute guy, trying like hell not to fall. I huff and puff my way up as he is trying to talk to me. Does he really think I can carry on a conversation while jumping over rocks and fallen trees??? Good Lord! Can’t he see by my beat red face that I’m DYING HERE! We make it to the top and I have to say, it was really beautiful and romantic. We sat on a rock overlooking the city and kissed. I took my inhaler and we kissed some more. How can I not fall for this guy who thinks my wheezy, sweaty, out of shape self is perfect? I’m a goner. We make our way down, “Let’s run,” he says. “Oh joy,” I say “of course!”
Then about halfway down, I hear it… the unmistakable sound of a dog off his leash. I freeze as I see two giant doberman pinschers a few feet below us and they are charging right for me. What does this cool chick do? She screams like a baby and latches on to Mr. Cutie’s arms like velcro. As the dogs get closer, they start circling us and growling. My nails dig deeper into this poor guy’s arms….HARD! I don’t think I stopped screaming the entire time. Tears were actually burning my eyes from fear. Meanwhile, the owners of these dogs are slowly making their way up the damn hill. I’m about to be eaten and they are taken their sweet ass time! My date was trying hard to calm the dogs, but they were not letting up and of course I wasn’t about to let go of his flesh. The owners finally gathered their dogs, saying “oh they are nice, they wouldn’t have done anything.” UH HUH, I’ve seen nice dogs, they do not usually growl, bare their teeth and circle their prey! After I calm down, he asks me if I could please release my grip….OH NOOOO, I am still latched on to his flesh! The poor guy is cut up and bleeding. Now I have officially become the crazy story that people tell of their online dates! UGH! In my defense, at least my date agreed that these were not friendly dogs. He was also very sweet and understanding of my dog phobia. And to all my friends surprise, he asked me out again! Date # 3….and this is where my prince shows me the skeletons in his closet, literally.
To be continued…..
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